vira lillie (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
chevaleros) wrote2021-02-08 10:30 pm
chevaleros) wrote2021-02-08 10:30 pm
Entry tags:
7rings: harrow
how do i not have any lesbian shitposts, i'm a sham
Vira, please.
[Saying things openly like that really flusters her, all the same.]
It isn't awful?
[Saying things openly like that really flusters her, all the same.]
It isn't awful?
[ Flustering Harrow is one of her favorite pastimes now. But she's not teasing her on purpose this time. ]
It's not. I realize we must keep busy with our investigations and meetings, but... if we really are approaching the end of things, then I want to spend my spare moments with you and the others.
[ So it's nice to have an hour where they're just stuck with each other for no reason at all. ]
It's not. I realize we must keep busy with our investigations and meetings, but... if we really are approaching the end of things, then I want to spend my spare moments with you and the others.
[ So it's nice to have an hour where they're just stuck with each other for no reason at all. ]
[She goes a little red at that, but. It's also a little sad.]
. . . As would I.
[Hmm.]
Have you given more thought to it? Your desire to return and disconnect with others?
. . . As would I.
[Hmm.]
Have you given more thought to it? Your desire to return and disconnect with others?
[ Her expression turns thoughtful. ]
...Recent events have made me reflect, yes.
[ Killing Childe and all that happened before and after. ]
And you? Do you know what you'll be doing, provided we can somehow achieve our wishes?
...Recent events have made me reflect, yes.
[ Killing Childe and all that happened before and after. ]
And you? Do you know what you'll be doing, provided we can somehow achieve our wishes?
Ah.
[She frowns a little.]
. . . It's hard for me to say, exactly, because I do not know what my wish will be, and what that will change. And it is hard, to accept pinning one's hopes to a future that may not occur.
But I've realized that I dread returning to where I was before this. I didn't realize until I came here how awful it was, and I no longer have any duty owed to the Ninth House that would obligate my return. So. . . I've agreed that I won't be returning there, if it's at all within my power. Perhaps I'll leave with Mollymauk.
[She frowns a little.]
. . . It's hard for me to say, exactly, because I do not know what my wish will be, and what that will change. And it is hard, to accept pinning one's hopes to a future that may not occur.
But I've realized that I dread returning to where I was before this. I didn't realize until I came here how awful it was, and I no longer have any duty owed to the Ninth House that would obligate my return. So. . . I've agreed that I won't be returning there, if it's at all within my power. Perhaps I'll leave with Mollymauk.
[ She's clearly a little surprised at that. ]
Really? [ She hadn't even considered whether they'd all be able to leave to other places than where they started. ] Ah, no—I'm glad you can recognize a miserable situation and hope for more. But I had thought you might miss your Tomb.
Really? [ She hadn't even considered whether they'd all be able to leave to other places than where they started. ] Ah, no—I'm glad you can recognize a miserable situation and hope for more. But I had thought you might miss your Tomb.
Oh.
[She frowns a little, because she's not wrong, but. . .]
I do, and I miss my home, but I cannot return to either. When I became a Lyctor, that door shut forever. There are dangerous things that pursue us, and if I were ever to set foot in the Ninth House again, I would draw them there and bring destruction on all I hold dear.
It's all right; it's enough to know it's all there, and safe. It's enough to have had the opportunity to see her, and know she is there, and that someday she might wake, whether or not I ever see it. [But she also feels less despair at the notion that that's all she ever had than she's had previously.] I feel I've spent enough time devoted to what's dead.
[She frowns a little, because she's not wrong, but. . .]
I do, and I miss my home, but I cannot return to either. When I became a Lyctor, that door shut forever. There are dangerous things that pursue us, and if I were ever to set foot in the Ninth House again, I would draw them there and bring destruction on all I hold dear.
It's all right; it's enough to know it's all there, and safe. It's enough to have had the opportunity to see her, and know she is there, and that someday she might wake, whether or not I ever see it. [But she also feels less despair at the notion that that's all she ever had than she's had previously.] I feel I've spent enough time devoted to what's dead.
[ She listens, then slowly nods. ]
I see.
[ After all she's seen in Harrow's memories, this is likely the kinder path for her. The idea of letting go and moving on is something Vira herself struggles with, but she doesn't mind seeing it in someone else. ]
You've really learned a lot during your time here.
I see.
[ After all she's seen in Harrow's memories, this is likely the kinder path for her. The idea of letting go and moving on is something Vira herself struggles with, but she doesn't mind seeing it in someone else. ]
You've really learned a lot during your time here.
It would be harder if I was deciding not to return to home, and what I love there. But I've already said goodbye to that.
[Gently. Because she does understand; even if it was a destructive choice, if that was the choice she was offered, it might be different. But she had already accepted she would never go back there long before this, and never expected her wish to change that.]
I'm not sure whether I have or whether I've just been badgered enough to give in. [Sigh.] . . . I suppose you and I are rather alike in so many ways, so you are likely as reticent as I am about making plans around things that may never come to pass. [She resisted agreeing to anything for so long.] It feels foolish to ask you what you will do, after this, when I am still rather convinced we'll all die here.
[Gently. Because she does understand; even if it was a destructive choice, if that was the choice she was offered, it might be different. But she had already accepted she would never go back there long before this, and never expected her wish to change that.]
I'm not sure whether I have or whether I've just been badgered enough to give in. [Sigh.] . . . I suppose you and I are rather alike in so many ways, so you are likely as reticent as I am about making plans around things that may never come to pass. [She resisted agreeing to anything for so long.] It feels foolish to ask you what you will do, after this, when I am still rather convinced we'll all die here.
[ She laughs very softly; despite the ridiculousness of their situation, she has to stifle the instinct to put her other hand on Harrow's own. ]
I am reluctant to hope for much. [ She is afraid, and has been for a while now. They can all act as tough as they need to be, but even she's scared of the outcomes here. ] Still, I've grown foolish enough to have faith in our capabilities, too. I think there are people here too clever and too strong to let us fail.
[ So she'll be here to badger Harrow to be happy, too. ]
I am reluctant to hope for much. [ She is afraid, and has been for a while now. They can all act as tough as they need to be, but even she's scared of the outcomes here. ] Still, I've grown foolish enough to have faith in our capabilities, too. I think there are people here too clever and too strong to let us fail.
[ So she'll be here to badger Harrow to be happy, too. ]
[ Some hours after the events of the day, Vira drags herself back to their room, trailed by Luminiera and the smell of baked goods. It's been a very long day, but she suspects it's been even longer for Harrow. They didn't really have time to talk about it before, but she's here now. ]
There hardly seems like there's enough time before tomorrow, does it?
[ She thinks they've done enough. ]
There hardly seems like there's enough time before tomorrow, does it?
[ She thinks they've done enough. ]
No. Or too long. I don't know.
[She's exhausted, tired of being sad and weepy, just lying down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.]
I don't want to say goodbye, but I just need to know that it's. . . that it will all be all right.
[She's exhausted, tired of being sad and weepy, just lying down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.]
I don't want to say goodbye, but I just need to know that it's. . . that it will all be all right.
...I think it will be.
[ She sits at the edge of the bed, pensive. ]
It didn't seem to me that we made any fatal mistakes today. But I understand if anyone is too apprehensive to be hopeful.
[ She sits at the edge of the bed, pensive. ]
It didn't seem to me that we made any fatal mistakes today. But I understand if anyone is too apprehensive to be hopeful.
Logically, I think you're right.
[And she feels a little better, because she doesn't think Vira would sugarcoat it if she thought they were going to fail.]
. . . It just made me remember. Ah, so stupid. We had so many dreadful conversations about things I thought I remembered that never happened.
[And she feels a little better, because she doesn't think Vira would sugarcoat it if she thought they were going to fail.]
. . . It just made me remember. Ah, so stupid. We had so many dreadful conversations about things I thought I remembered that never happened.
[ It's not idle hope for her. She's confident enough that they could beat a stupid, terrible Furby. She wants to believe that of all of them, and their capabilities.
She laughs softly, looking sympathetic. ]
It couldn't really be helped. [ given harrow would have an aneurism if she tried to correct her memories. ] How much do you remember now?
She laughs softly, looking sympathetic. ]
It couldn't really be helped. [ given harrow would have an aneurism if she tried to correct her memories. ] How much do you remember now?
Everything, I think. Though if I didn't, I suppose I wouldn't know. The only thing I forgot was her, but I've known her all my life, so it wasn't insignificant.
[ nod nod ]
...I know not all your memories were pleasant, but I'm glad you were able to restore them anyway.
[ It seems worse, forgetting. ]
She seemed very dear to you. [ Which is actually a bit hard for her to admit, because she could've very easily ended up under Envy, but she had felt Harrow's feelings as though they were her own. And she would understand, even if she hadn't. ]
...I know not all your memories were pleasant, but I'm glad you were able to restore them anyway.
[ It seems worse, forgetting. ]
She seemed very dear to you. [ Which is actually a bit hard for her to admit, because she could've very easily ended up under Envy, but she had felt Harrow's feelings as though they were her own. And she would understand, even if she hadn't. ]
I didn't know whether I'd be glad, but I am glad.
[Hmm, yeah. Awkward. But also, because these are books about stupid lesbians, from her perspective it isn't really like that. Placing her hand on Vira's.]
. . . She is. We hardly ever got along, but before coming here, she was the only friend I ever had. And then she became my cavalier - not out of duty, but because she wanted to. So she will always be very important to me.
[Hmm, yeah. Awkward. But also, because these are books about stupid lesbians, from her perspective it isn't really like that. Placing her hand on Vira's.]
. . . She is. We hardly ever got along, but before coming here, she was the only friend I ever had. And then she became my cavalier - not out of duty, but because she wanted to. So she will always be very important to me.
[ This is how they ended up with their hands stuck together before. But even so, Vira doesn't mind it. It feels strangely natural by now. ]
From your memories, it did seem that you knew each other a very long time.
[ Long enough to have baggage, and to love each other. She goes quiet for a second, thinking through her question. ]
May I ask... what happened? To your memories? [ How did she forget someone like that in the first place? ]
From your memories, it did seem that you knew each other a very long time.
[ Long enough to have baggage, and to love each other. She goes quiet for a second, thinking through her question. ]
May I ask... what happened? To your memories? [ How did she forget someone like that in the first place? ]
[Well. Big spoilers, but since she asked outright.]
Oh. I had them removed. A flesh necromancer of my acquaintance helped me alter the brain tissue, and then I patched it over with false memories and added a construct that would render me unconscious if anyone said anything or I saw anything that risked reopening the scar tissue. A bit of an embarrassingly sloppy job - the thing about replacing her name with 'Ortus' every time led to some ridiculous problems.
[So, you know! As you do! Harrow drills.]
Oh. I had them removed. A flesh necromancer of my acquaintance helped me alter the brain tissue, and then I patched it over with false memories and added a construct that would render me unconscious if anyone said anything or I saw anything that risked reopening the scar tissue. A bit of an embarrassingly sloppy job - the thing about replacing her name with 'Ortus' every time led to some ridiculous problems.
[So, you know! As you do! Harrow drills.]
[ Yeah, it did cause some issues, didn't it? Particularly in that Harrow was almost eaten by a grotesque giant her second week here thanks to her aneurisms. ]
I can see why you'd want to excise something that painful, but even so—I hope those memories have a new meaning to you, now.
[ Are they more significant after she'd lost them once? ]
...Does it change what you'll do next? Or will you still be going with Mollymauk?
I can see why you'd want to excise something that painful, but even so—I hope those memories have a new meaning to you, now.
[ Are they more significant after she'd lost them once? ]
...Does it change what you'll do next? Or will you still be going with Mollymauk?
They do. I'm happy to have it undone, even if the timing was poor.
[Anyway. Hmm. She can't really read Vira, like this - what she means when she asks. She doesn't want to sound as though she's shutting the door on them seeing one another again, but it's fairly awkward when she doesn't understand where anything stands.
That's always been the difficulty with them.]
I still plan on leaving with him, yes.
[Anyway. Hmm. She can't really read Vira, like this - what she means when she asks. She doesn't want to sound as though she's shutting the door on them seeing one another again, but it's fairly awkward when she doesn't understand where anything stands.
That's always been the difficulty with them.]
I still plan on leaving with him, yes.
[ She has never defined love, friendship or otherwise. It's complicated. Maybe she has been afraid to have answers—they'd spoken about it once before, how much more frightening it is to risk rejection. Vira is tired of being alone, and she is tired of being left behind, but to solve one is to risk the other.
So she has never known quite how to proceed with them. ]
Good. ...I want you to be free to find happiness, whatever that may mean to you, and wherever you need to go to search for it.
So she has never known quite how to proceed with them. ]
Good. ...I want you to be free to find happiness, whatever that may mean to you, and wherever you need to go to search for it.
[That's what she wants, too. That isn't what she came here wanting, but now she feels that happiness maybe isn't such a bad thing to strive for.]
. . . And you? What will you do?
. . . And you? What will you do?
Hm...
[ It was easy to be happy for Harrow—genuinely happy—but knowing what comes next for her is more difficult. She glances at Luminiera, conflicted. ]
It's difficult to explain my situation back home. Luminiera was... we had come to blows over something very important to the both of us.
[ Though there is no animosity between them right now. ]
I want to resolve that conflict. Beyond that, I don't know—I don't know what to use my wish for anymore, either. It's silly, isn't it? To go through all of this and losing the conviction that brought me here to begin with.
[ It was easy to be happy for Harrow—genuinely happy—but knowing what comes next for her is more difficult. She glances at Luminiera, conflicted. ]
It's difficult to explain my situation back home. Luminiera was... we had come to blows over something very important to the both of us.
[ Though there is no animosity between them right now. ]
I want to resolve that conflict. Beyond that, I don't know—I don't know what to use my wish for anymore, either. It's silly, isn't it? To go through all of this and losing the conviction that brought me here to begin with.
Page 11 of 12